The Audacity Prayer: Grant me the authority to eliminate those that will not follow, the ability to terrorize those that remain, and the audacity not to care about the difference.

Twelve +1 Steps of Incompetents Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over incompetence – that our hierarchy had become uncontrollable.
2. Came to believe that senior management, thinking greater of themselves, could restore the hierarchy to complacency.
3. Made a directive that all minions turn their will and lives over to management care.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our minions.
5. Admitted to senior management, to HR, and to all fellow employees the exact nature of their wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to remove all defective characters in our way.
7. Condescendingly demanded minions to remove their inadequacies.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to downsize them all.
9. Make direct attacks on all who threaten us whenever possible, except when to do so could hurt us or our inner circle.
10. Continue to take personnel inventory and when they are wrong promptly admit it.
11. Sought through fear and intimidation to enforce our will on all minions, paying only for the knowledge necessary to increase personal power or the authority to carry that out.
12. Having had a superiority complex as a result of these steps, we continue to carry the message of inferiority to our minions and to practice these principles in all extramarital affairs.
13. If you have sincerely worked through the preceding 12 steps and still remain incompetent, then you are basically screwed. Your only recourse will be to follow the advice of Dr. Wilbur Swain (Slapstick by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.) – “Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don’t you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?”

For more information on IA, select the “12 +1 Steps” category on the Dr. StrangeJob’s Blog.