After the traumatic results of the previous Satirical Knights Live episodes, the Doctor decided to judiciously pre-screen all future SKL interviewees. The new strategy was fairly simple: send out polite emails to prospective candidates explaining the cultural significance of SKL while soliciting their participation. The first response to the open cast call was none other than Gordon Gekko, the world’s most famous corporate raider and stock market manipulator of Wall Street fame.

The Doctor was initially ecstatic to hear from Gordon, assuming his endorsement would be worth its weight in gold – after all, the man’s words are cast in stone. Unfortunately, all did not go as anticipated as is evident from his response posted below.

Dear Dr. StrangeJob,

OK sport, you got my attention. You have what it takes to get into my inbox, but do you have enough to stay? I did a quick review of your portfolio and, to be honest, it is crap. Your website is mundane, your Facebook page is stagnant, and your Twitter feed is practically non-existent. Frankly, you suck. However, there is one piece of your portfolio that could be a serious money-maker. The 12+1 Steps of Incompetents Anonymous scheme has potential to be worth millions in royalty and franchise fees.

I look at a hundred deals a day and pick one. I pick only winners, and today is your day. Unfortunately for you, it appears that you have neglected to legally register the Dr. StrangeJob name, website, domain name, and Twitter feed. Fortunately for me, my legal team recently acquired all legal rights to Dr. StrangeJob and all of its derivatives, including Satirical Knights Live and Incompetents Anonymous. My lawyers will be contacting you within 48 hours. They will be forwarding legal documents outlining our formal takeover of the Dr. StrangeJob brand. If you choose not to sign the agreement, then you will be served a cease and desist order.

One more thing. Stop confusing me with that DaCrapio kid that fancies himself a wolf of wall street. He still has a lot of growing pains to get through before he can order a Greco, let alone a Gekko.

Sincerely,

Gord

Ouch! It’s starting to look like there’s some sort of curse on the Doctor’s SKL series. First he pissed off the Dude, then he was threatened by the Psychotic Forrest Ranger, and now he is being sued by Gordon Gekko. Maybe it’s all about the bucks. The point is that greed, for lack of a better word, seems to work for many. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that 1% of the world’s population own half of the world’s wealth. The Doctor will need to pull a Charlie Sheen to get out of this one, but defeat is not an option. It might take some tiger blood to make a winner out of the Doctor, but until then, funny never sleeps.

Dr. StrangeJob

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The Doctor’s inaugural Satirical Knights Live posting is currently burning up the internet (OK, a slight exaggeration), so he decided to further ignite the SKL trail by striking while the irony was still hot. The Doctor knew he required a sizzling second instalment for the explosive series, but who could he turn to for a scorching exposition worthy of the SKL franchise? Coincidently, the Doctor had recently observed the Psychotic Forest Ranger in action, and believed the Ranger’s fiery disposition would be a good match for the Doctor’s dry demeanour.

As you are likely aware, the Psychotic Forest Ranger is a boisterous, squirrel hating, magical compass carrying, killer of litterbug teenagers. As a Forest Ranger, he is particularly adamant about the proper supervision of campfires. Heaven help any beer drinking, sex flaunting, perverted litter-buggering, teenage campfire-neglecter, once the Ranger had them in his magical compass sight.

“This is going to be one hot interview,” at least that is what the Doctor thought. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long to realize that fire and pun are a dangerously combustible combination.

StrangeJob: My cat Pepper is a huge fan of the work you do with squirrels. She is currently dealing with a squirrel infestation around her favorite bird feeder. Do you have any advice for her?

Ranger: If you can’t beat them, then eat them.

StrangeJob: Full disclosure. When I was four years old I was involved with a grass fire.

Ranger: Did you have a permit?

StrangeJob: No permit. Also, when I was five, a friend and I threw lit matches around parked cars.

Ranger: Get a life – not!

StrangeJob: There is no need to be curt. That was many years ago and I learned my lesson. I am just relieved that no one was hurt.

Ranger: I am here to relieve you – of life!

StrangeJob: OK, so I made a few mistakes when I was a little kid. Give it a rest already.

Ranger: I will let you rest – in pieces!

Well, that didn’t go as expected. The Doctor was hoping for a sizzling interview and he ended up with death threats. This is not boding well for the future of SKL. In the first SKL blog, the Doctor managed to piss off the Dude. In the second, he inflamed the Psychotic Forest Ranger. Perhaps he should cancel the planned session with the American Psycho.

Dr. StrangeJob

Note: No squirrels were mutilated or arranged in satanic patterns during the writing of this blog.

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Fictionalized characters are forced to perform dastardly deeds attributed to them by their makers, or they are required to speak unconscionable words as written by their writers. Quite often, these words and actions are authored without consent from the characters involved. In other words, fictionalized characters do what they are instructed to do and say exactly what they are told to say. In that sense, these marginalized fictionalized characters are much like real-life workers, and, as such, deserve their own support group. Satirical Knights Live (SKL) was created to serve as an ombudsman for the marginalized fictionalized, and also provides a platform for fictionalized characters to air concerns over the injustices propagated against this oft ill quoted group. At least that was the plan.

The Doctor selected Jeff Lebowski as the first interviewee for the SKL series. As you are likely aware, Jeff is considered a hero by many and, as reported by The Stranger, is “quite possibly the laziest [person] in Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin’ for laziest worldwide”. The Doctor presumed that Mr. Lebowski’s laissez-faire persona would elicit an engaging interview and also serve as a worthy introduction to the SKL series. Wrong on both counts.

Below is a short excerpt from the interview, but please be forewarned, the conversation quickly turned hostile so that the Doctor was forced to end the session rather abruptly.

StrangeJob: Good evening. Shall I call you Jeff or Mr. Lebowski?

Jeff Lebowski: I am not “Mr. Lebowski”. I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.

StrangeJob: Tell us about your college years.

Dude: I spent most of my time occupying various administration buildings… smoking a lot of thai stick… breaking into the ROTC… and bowling. To tell you the truth, I don’t remember most of it.

StrangeJob: Then you probably don’t have a lot to say about the politics of incompetence.

Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.

StrangeJob: If you don’t mind, I would like to focus our discussion on the concept of incompetence in the workplace.

Dude: I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.

StrangeJob: My apologies. Perhaps I was wrong to focus on the concept of incompetence as the topic for this interview.

Dude: You’re not … wrong. You’re just an asshole.

As you can see, the inaugural SKL interview with Jeff Lebowski was less than stellar. I provide the complete source of the transcript for diehard Dude fans, but it is clear from reading the full transcript that the interview, much like a peed-on rug, did little to tie the interview together.

As noted, this was meant to be the first in a series of interviews. In fact, the Doctor has already been in contact with a number of potential interviewees for future entries in the series. However, the Doctor has some trepidation about how those may play out and may need to rethink the future of the series. If I somehow managed to piss off the Dude, of all characters, then I am fearful as to what may transpire during my scheduled sessions with Patrick Bateman of American Psycho or the Psychotic Forest Ranger.

Dr. StrangeJob

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