Fictionalized characters are forced to perform dastardly deeds attributed to them by their makers, or they are required to speak unconscionable words as written by their writers. Quite often, these words and actions are authored without consent from the characters involved. In other words, fictionalized characters do what they are instructed to do and say exactly what they are told to say. In that sense, these marginalized fictionalized characters are much like real-life workers, and, as such, deserve their own support group. Satirical Knights Live (SKL) was created to serve as an ombudsman for the marginalized fictionalized, and also provides a platform for fictionalized characters to air concerns over the injustices propagated against this oft ill quoted group. At least that was the plan.

The Doctor selected Jeff Lebowski as the first interviewee for the SKL series. As you are likely aware, Jeff is considered a hero by many and, as reported by The Stranger, is “quite possibly the laziest [person] in Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin’ for laziest worldwide”. The Doctor presumed that Mr. Lebowski’s laissez-faire persona would elicit an engaging interview and also serve as a worthy introduction to the SKL series. Wrong on both counts.

Below is a short excerpt from the interview, but please be forewarned, the conversation quickly turned hostile so that the Doctor was forced to end the session rather abruptly.

StrangeJob: Good evening. Shall I call you Jeff or Mr. Lebowski?

Jeff Lebowski: I am not “Mr. Lebowski”. I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.

StrangeJob: Tell us about your college years.

Dude: I spent most of my time occupying various administration buildings… smoking a lot of thai stick… breaking into the ROTC… and bowling. To tell you the truth, I don’t remember most of it.

StrangeJob: Then you probably don’t have a lot to say about the politics of incompetence.

Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.

StrangeJob: If you don’t mind, I would like to focus our discussion on the concept of incompetence in the workplace.

Dude: I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.

StrangeJob: My apologies. Perhaps I was wrong to focus on the concept of incompetence as the topic for this interview.

Dude: You’re not … wrong. You’re just an asshole.

As you can see, the inaugural SKL interview with Jeff Lebowski was less than stellar. I provide the complete source of the transcript for diehard Dude fans, but it is clear from reading the full transcript that the interview, much like a peed-on rug, did little to tie the interview together.

As noted, this was meant to be the first in a series of interviews. In fact, the Doctor has already been in contact with a number of potential interviewees for future entries in the series. However, the Doctor has some trepidation about how those may play out and may need to rethink the future of the series. If I somehow managed to piss off the Dude, of all characters, then I am fearful as to what may transpire during my scheduled sessions with Patrick Bateman of American Psycho or the Psychotic Forest Ranger.

Dr. StrangeJob

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