Category Archives: Jokes

Dr. StrangeJob: The Stanley Kubrick Connection

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All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.

All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.

All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.

All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.

All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.

All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.

All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.

All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.

All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.

All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.

All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.

All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.

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Bill Gates: The Number of the Beast

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Bill Gates has a net worth of 79.2 billion and, according to Forbes, is the richest man in the world. What does it take to become the richest man in world? If a great salesperson can sell snowballs in hell, then what type of salesman does it take to promote a product based on the words “micro” and ”soft”? Bill Gates is either the biggest nerd in the world or has one hell of a sense of humor. On the other hand, he could be the rare male that suffers from penis envy. Woody Allan once argued that penis envy should not be limited to women, but what else would you expect from a man named Woody?

I postulate a more diabolical theory. Bill Gates is in league with the devil. My theory requires basic understanding of digital data representation. Computers store information as a series of zeroes or ones using a coding scheme to represent numbers, letters, and special characters. The American Standard Code for Information Interchange (ASCII) is one such code. ASCII, for example, represents the letter “A” with the base ten number 65, the letter “B” with the number 90, and so on.

So let’s play a game of Microsoft Trivial Pursuit.

What is Bill Gates’s full name?

Answer = William Henry Gates III = BILL GATES 3

Convert each character in “BILL GATES 3” to its equivalent ASCII value.

Answer = 66+73+76+76+71+65+84+69+83+3

Sum and interpret the total of the ASCII values.

Answer = 666 = Number of the Beast

Hence, Bill Gates is in league with the devil. How else to explain his hellacious operating system? Fortunately, there may be salvation from hell-gates. Computer nirvana is on the eve of temptation by another Apple.

Speaking of Bill Gates: What is micro and soft and desired by nerds?

Dr. StrangeJob

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What is micro and soft and desired by nerds?

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Genesis Part V

It was the mid-nineties and I had enthusiastically exceeded my competence level as a systems analyst. The adage that those who can’t do – teach was alive and well and directed me to pursue a career in education. I had a brilliant plan. The first step was to complete a masters in adult education. Done. The second step was to market myself as someone with practical hands-on work experience combined with a theoretical understanding of adult education. Check. The third step was to sit back and wait for the job offers to come piling in. Didn’t happen. Funny, same thing didn’t happen to @drstrangejob.

Not to be daunted, I decided that my resume needed an “isn’t that special” attention grabber. Industry certifications were a hot commodity at the time and the one with the most prestige was Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer (MCSE). It took almost two years to complete that puppy, but it worked. I landed an instructor position teaching information technology at a prestigious community college.

I was MCSE when MCSE was cool. In fact, I was the first person in the entire province to complete the certification. It went to my head. I went overboard with promoting the fact that I held the MCSE designation. I bought the shirt, jacket, pen, coffee cup, laptop case, and just about anything that had either the MCSE logo or Microsoft Professional designation attached. I went certifiable over the certification.

One morning I found myself admiring my Dilbert inspired IT guru reflection in the mirror whilst paying careful attention as to how the MCSE logo on the official Microsoft pen complemented the Microsoft Professional logo on my official Microsoft polo shirt. I was pumped. I was the man. I was the Microsoft Man.

What kind of dick is proud to wear a logo that emphasizes the words micro and soft? What type of male nerd would that be? Microsoft should change their name to Maximumhard. That might distract from all the system down time, or at least keep the system up long enough to be useful.

Next on the Blog: Irrefutable proof that Bill Gates is in league with the devil

Dr. StrangeJob

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Who wants to hire a dick with a doctorate?

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From Doctor to Satirist – Seven Days That Shook My World

March 31, 2010 is the conferral date of my PhD. If you are one of the 0.7% of Canadians with a doctorate then you will appreciate how significant that date is for me. Five years of pain, toil, and sweat had finally brought me to my goal. Ironically, it was just seven days later when I received a layoff notice from my teaching position at the local university.

I had assumed the PhD designation would change my status at the institution, but it never occurred to me that the change would be in the form of a layoff notice. Within seven days I went from the high of receiving a doctorate to “hi, how do you file for unemployment?” Incidentally, four of the seven days were Easter holidays. I guess that’s why it took so long to get the layoff notice. Still, I did get a good joke out of it.

Although Dr. StrangeJob uses the “Dr.” prefix in his salutation, his alter ego uses the suffix “PhD”.  His first name is Dan, so the suffix in his case is not an acronym for “Doctor of Philosophy”, but rather an acronym for “Please Hire Dan”. This is not the joke.

The joke is when I realized that “Please Hire Dan” would only work for those with both a doctorate and a first name starting with “D”. I pondered on that as I listed people I knew with both a doctorate and a first name starting with the letter “D”. It dawned on me that the “Please Hire Dan” tagline might not work for everyone in that category.

I hope someone will hire Dan because of his doctorate, but who really wants to hire a Dick with a PhD. After all, how many Dicks do you know with a PhD?

Dr. StrangeJob

Next on the Blog: What is micro and soft and desired by nerds or Genesis Part V

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