Dr. StrangeJob went to high school in the mid-seventies. Coincidently, that was the same time that marijuana became the recreational drug of choice for many in his age group. To suggest that the Doctor was a pothead would be a tenuous overstatement, but he does concede there were a number of purple haze high-school daze not totally accounted for. Yes, he inhaled.

Arriving home from school one day, he was confronted by his mother in an extreme state of agitation, waving a baggie of pot that she found in the laundry basket. To be fair, she may have been quite calm at the time. To be honest, since the Doctor was slightly buzzed, what he saw was more like the Tasmanian devil on crack gesticulating a baggie full of weed and pointing accusatorily.

He told her that it was not his pot, but to no avail. They decided to wait until his father arrived home from work to continue the conversation, but she assured the Doctor that there would be hell to pay.

The Doctor’s father was a welder at the local steel plant. He put in a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay, so he was both tired and startled when met at the door by his wife still waving the baggie of marijuana. His father was always quick on his feet, but the side-glance he gave to his son was most telling. Two things became abundantly clear: First, it was the father’s weed that was found in the laundry. Second, the father was about to be in bigger shit with his wife than his son could ever possibly be with his mother. The look on his face said it all, but what happened next surprised father, mother, and son.

The young Doctor, in an Oscar worthy performance, admitted the pot was his and took full responsibility for his actions. The father, in another Oscar worthy performance, provided a sternly worded sermon on the ills of drug use whilst handing out punishment that appeased his wife, but not overly chastised the son.

The father took the son aside a few days later and provided him with a learning script that he follows to this day: If you are being thrown out of town, then get in front and make it look like a parade in your honor. The Doctor was grounded for two weeks. The father, on the other hand, had to flush his weed down the toilet.

Happy Father’s Day. I am not sure where you are, but here’s hoping that you are happy and high.

Watch my standup version of this routine from 2016.

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The Hay System is a standardized job evaluation methodology used by corporations and organizations throughout North America. A successful Hay implementation will provide local HR departments with the requisite gobbledygook needed to validate predetermined pay scales, along with copious amounts of convoluted graphs and charts used to justify exuberant salaries of political cronies, close friends, and senior management.

The cost of implementing the Hay system is offset by the savings recouped through the rationalization of rank-and-file employees in a process referred to as rightsizing, downsizing, or restructuring (i.e. elimination of the competent). The process starts by requiring all rank-and-file employees to qualify, quantify, and meticulously itemize their individual job functions. The process ends with huge fanfare and the release of the updated organizational chart that was pre-approved by senior management prior to the start of the implementation process.

Unless you are already in senior management, there are only two ways to survive the Hay review process. The first is to somehow manage to get yourself promoted to the senior management group. The second is to convince management that you are one of the few rank-and-file employees that they really need. I will discuss the first option in this blog, the latter will be discussed in a future posting.

The art of management promotion involves a complex process known as brown-nosing. The process can be fairly straightforward, especially for those with pre-existing political and/or family connections to the powers that be. This type of promotion requires the newly minted manager to be totally subservient to all the whims of their immediate superior. I have seen this process in action, and it appears to be easier than it sounds. For example: There is rarely a need for independent thinking, and the actual act of brown-nosing usually comes naturally to those involved. To be fair, since the selection committee always knows in advance who to recommend, the hired candidate has already met theses key requirements.

Actually, there is a second way to achieve a management promotion, but I am hesitant to bring it up for moral reasons. Let’s just say that it can involve body parts other than the nose and requires supporting oral, analog, or digital documentation.

I will discuss the second way of beating the system in a future blog, but the old adage, “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance then baffle them with bullshit” is key to that process.

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Dr. StrangeJob was born on February 27, 2015. Similar to his alter ego (Dr. NoJob), Dr. StrangeJob was a breech birth. This explains, in part, why the Doctor tends to view things from a different perspective. Instead of heading for the light, the Doctor gravitates to the dark.

His birth mother attempted to instill a sense of humor in the Doctor, but she was somewhat skeptical of the outcome. She often quipped that there was nothing like a sense of humor, and that he had “nothing” like a sense of humor. She did, however, provide the Doctor with a strong sense of omnipotence. In fact, he believed he was the son of god. His belief was a direct consequence of her divine devotion to her son, and her constant reminder of his supremacy. For example: Every time he would return from one of his pilgrimages, she would shout “Jesus Christ, where have you been?” Every time he would leave the house, she would bellow, “Where in Christ’s name are you going?” Other times, when he was just hanging around the house, or quietly contemplating life, she would never miss an opportunity to remind him of his all-powerfulness with heavenly supportive refrains such as “God Almighty, stop pulling the wings off those poor butterflies”, or “For Christ’s sake, get out of my underwear drawer”.

Dr. StrangeJob planned to be an exorcist when he grew up. Again, his decision was due to his mother’s constant encouragement. She often told him that he had the power to expel evil from people, places, or things. Comments such as “get the hell out of that” or “take that with you and get the hell out of here”, demonstrated his ability to exorcize evil. He was compelled by a motherly spirit greater than himself to become the entity that he is today.

Along with being a breech birth, the Doctor was also a late arrival. Speaking of late, I think I will log this blog as a belated Mother’s Day entry. Wherever she may be, I hope she is not laughing at Dr. StrangeJob, but laughing with him. Dr. StrangeJob compels you to follow him on Twitter at https://twitter.com/drstrangejob.

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