This is the time of the year when we make our annual resolutions to lose weight, quit drinking, stop smoking, or pledge to some generic commitment in support of a better “self” or “humankind”. At Incompetents Anonymous (IA), we are not interested in personal grandiose resolutions, but prefer to focus on the grander goals of restitution and retribution. IA’s focus for 2017 is to seek recompense for the pain and misery inflicted on the world by incompetent bureaucrats, politicians, educators, employers, and coworkers. That’s right, we want payback. Sounds like a daunting task, but we pledge to root out and expose incompetence at the source.
Introducing the Doctor’s Incompetents Anonymous Program for Error Recognition (DIAPER) award system – because someone needs to dump on these folks. The goal of DIAPER is to make crappy organizations just a little less shitty by shining the spotlight on those whose fumes rise to the top. Unlike the Darwin Awards, whose focus is on chlorinating the gene pool, the Diaper Award focus is on fumigating the office pool. DIAPER awards may be granted locally, regionally, or globally. In fact, the Doctor is currently reviewing background documentation for what may become the first localized DIAPER award.
DIAPER submissions may be forwarded to the Doctor, care of this site, and should include appropriate supporting documentation. When in doubt, use the Jon Stewart guide for bullshit protection to determine candidate appropriateness. In other words, if you smell something – say something. Award recommendations may be made to the DIAPER category of choice. Existing categories include the WET (Wrongly Employed as Teacher) DIAPER, the BUTT (Bureaucratic Underminer and Thoroughly Thankless) DIAPER, and the PISSY (Politically Incompetent Special Service Yokel) DIAPER. New categories will be added as necessary.
DIAPER awards will be announced as soon as they are vetted by the Doctor. The exception to this rule will be for the most prestigious Diaper award. The VILE (Villainous Incompetent Lecherous Employer) DIAPER will be presented anally annually to those select few that have repeatedly proven their DIAPER value. Unlike other DIAPER categories, VILE DIAPER winners will be pooled from pre-existing DIAPER award winners. These folks will be the cream of the crap, the best of the mess, the diarrhea of the DIAPER. To be truly VILE, you must have previously been recognized with a WET, BUTT, or PISSY award.
According to Imhoff’s Law, organizations are like septic tanks because the really big chunks rise to the top. The DIAPER award will help separate the cream from the crap. In the meantime, watch out for the floaters.