Incompetents Anonymous (IA) – Membership Drive

Public support for Incompetents Anonymous, along with the corresponding Audacity Prayer and 12+1 Steps, has been nothing short of phenomenal. Uptake in the IA support-related groups of IA-Anon, Alatweet, and ACOI (Alcoholic Colleagues of Incompetents) has exceeded expectations. Of major concern, however, is the low intake rate to the core IA group. To be frank, the IA movement is simply not resonating with the true incompetents of the world.

The issue with most high-end incompetents is that they have already been “led” to the public troth and have been drinking heartedly from it for years (the Canadian Senate scandal comes to mind). Incompetents have no concept of “hitting bottom” because most are well situated on the corporate ladder and are oblivious to the devastating effect they are having on the workplace.

IA has decided to tackle this problem head-on and plans to target some of the most obvious infestation areas. The goal is to entice incompetents to attend an initial IA meeting with the hope that what they hear at the meeting encourages them to keep coming back. In preparation, Dr. StrangeJob conducted stakeholder interviews, various focus groups, and even went undercover in a management position for a bird’s eye view of the problem. As a result, IA is proud to introduce Phase 1 of our membership drive.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that incompetents love to collect points, whether it be for air miles, free meals, or happy-hour vouchers. Therefore, Phase I of the membership drive utilizes a simple point system awarded for IA meeting attendance. The more meetings you attend, the more points you accumulate. As an introductory offer, IA has developed a series of special incentive bonus point options for selected target groups.

  1. Senior managers receive triple points and may claim travel costs to international IA meetings.
  2. Unionized employees receive double points for evening meetings and triple points for weekend and holiday meetings.
  3. University faculty may claim IA attendance as part of their research requirement and receive double points for meetings attended outside the normal semester schedule.
  4. Students receive a “get out of class” certificate for each meeting attended.
  5. Government employees receive double points for attending meetings that were preapproved by their supervisors, and triple points if they bring their supervisor with them.*

IA will continue to develop new special offers and welcomes any suggestions that you may have. In the meantime, stay tuned for an exciting announcement on Phase II of our membership drive. In Phase II, we introduce the Frequent Underminer (FU) card. The FU card is similar in concept to air miles and will allow incompetents to trade and redeem IA points. If you are a true incompetent then you will want to rack up as many FU points as possible.

Dr. StrangeJob

* The careful reader may note that there is no special incentive for politicians. Politicians continue to demonstrate that they are beyond redemption.

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