Russians interfere in Cape Breton provincial election!

I knew my election campaign was in trouble on election day when I noticed that my name was not on the ballot for Premier of Cape Breton. First, they shut me out of the CBRM mayoralty race and now this! Apparently, it’s quite alright to leave a candidate’s name on the ballot even if their party has disowned them, or to also allow somebody to temporarily vote for nobody, but hey, try to protect Cape Breton from those Halifax bureaucrats and you’re toast. What a travesty.

Who to blame for this miscarriage of justice? Perhaps I should follow the lead of defeated Cabinet Minister Joanne Bernard and blame puppies and rainbows. Heck, I might as well blame the Russians. Come to think of it: maybe it was the Russians. After all, the sinister forces at play in NS politics have striking similarities to the US presidential election.

Do you remember staying up late watching the US presidential election? You probably went to bed assured that Clinton was the victor but woke to discover that Trump was the new president. That was the Russians. Same thing happened here. We went to bed with the NDP holding a balance of power and woke up to a Liberal majority. Those sneaky Russians fixed both the US and the Nova Scotia elections while we slept.

Still, I would like to thank the 2,123 constituents forced to spoil their ballot because Dr. StrangeJob’s name was not on the list. Fortunately, my campaign team managed to get the word out to my remaining voter base in time to save them the trouble of actually showing up to vote. Too bad though, because Dr. StrangeJob would be the new Premier if his 345,267 dedicated followers had actually shown up to vote.

That is correct, 345,267 eligible voters (46.12% of potential voters) did not cast a ballot.

In contrast, the Liberals received a measly 158,384 votes.

So there you have it, a Liberal majority government supported by roughly 21% of the province’s eligible voters because Dr. StrangeJob was not on the ballot.

Some of the local Cape Breton races were real nail-biters. Did you notice that Liberal incumbents Geoff Maclellan and Derek Monbouquette were poised to lose their seats until well after midnight? That’s right, the Russians managed to turf three liberal incumbents and scare the bejesus out of MacLellan and Mombourquette while many of us slept soundly thinking we were free from Bill 75 and Bill 148.

Democracy spoke and a message was sent, but was it received? All newly elected Cape Breton MLAs, regardless of party, should heed that warning. Capers, descendants of coal miners, steel workers, and labourers, are upset with the state of our economy, health care and education systems. Politicians need to remember where they came from, who their constituents are, and support our island rather than Halifax centric policies. Otherwise, they may find yourself going to bed late one evening dreaming of puppies and rainbows only to wake with a rabid pack of pit bulls and chain-lightning striking at your heels.

Dr. StrangeJob vows to defend the 79% of eligible voters that did not directly support the new government. In fact, I already have a plan for my next campaign. It is too early to make these plans public, but suffice it to say that in Canada, a premier represents the head of government for a province or territory and the word premier is a synonym for Prime Minister.

Dr. StrangeJob is a satirical blogger, former systems analyst, retired educator, social activist, creator of Incompetents Anonymous, and interim-leader of the CBLA-InComps.

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