I was elated to discover that this week I have earned 15 cents in revenue on my book Dr. StrangeJob Or: How I Learned to Stop Raging and Embrace the Bull. That is, until I realized my earnings were in Canadian cents, not U.S. cents. Even worse, this week was one of my better weeks for revenue.

Obviously, I need a new marketing strategy, but as a Canadian, I also want to do my bit to defend Canada against the Trump tariffs. Many have suggested that we tax items that the US still desperately requires from Canada. Toilet paper would be a good option, since Trump recently removed existing tariffs on Canadian toilet paper imports. Perhaps we should only sell them toilet paper that puts our views on Trump’s tariffs in proper perspective. In other words, we don’t want them to be wiped out of paper, but we also want them to understand who was responsible for the cost increase. It might be a bit of a crapshoot, but it is certainly worth a try. As part of an advertising campaign for the Canadian-branded toilet paper, we could change our “elbows up” slogan to “face up” in the end-user instruction manual.

So, what can Dr. StrangeJob do to support Canada in this senseless war?  Luckily, I also have something that they really need in the US – my book. Yes, I expect an extremely high demand for my book in the States. The section American Psycho – The Trump Connection alone should be enough to push my book onto the bestseller list.

Therefore, I have decided to stop selling my book in the US and to also place an import tax on purchases delivered to the U.S. That way, American buyers will pay an import surcharge when purchasing the book from Canada. The added revenue from the import tax will offset any lost revenue from not allowing Americans to buy my book in the States.

The whole idea of the tariff war is best summed up by the John Prine lyric: it don’t make much sense that common sense don’t make no sense no more. At least that is my 15 cents’ worth.

Find my book by searching Dr. StrangeJob on Amazon.ca.

Dr. StrangeJob is a satirical blogger, retired educator, social activist, actor, screenwriter, creator of Incompetents Anonymous (IA), and leader of the CBLA-InComps. He can be reached at drstrangejob@gmail.com. Follow him on Bluesky or Facebook @drstrangejob.