One Gaffe at a Time – Step 3

Step 3: Made a directive that all minions turn their will and lives over to management care. 

Full disclosure: I might have gotten this one backwards.

In our previous discussion on Step 2, we peered up the corporate ladder and unwittingly came to believe that senior management, thinking greater of themselves, could restore the hierarchy to complacency. In Step 3, our focus remains on senior management, but this time we discuss how that group view those working below them on the corporate ladder.

The Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Step 3 reads: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. Unlike AA, the Incompetents Anonymous (IA) version of Step 3 is not about finding God, but rather about finding yourself working for someone with a God Complex. I have had my share of decent bosses, but I have also worked for a few assholes. You know the kind, the autocratic and controlling type of boss that demands blind allegiance from staff. You are not considered a colleague, partner, or co-worker. You are merely an underling to be exploited, used, or abused.

Similar to AA, an IA member may pray to God, but they are likely praying to God for their God Complex boss to stop preying on them. In fact, the IA understanding of a God Complex boss is a boss that has a backwards view of their own managerial worth. It is no coincidence that God spelled backwards is dog. That is why a boss with a God Complex is always barking up the wrong tree.

If God is a semordnilap (a word that spells another word in reverse or palindromes spelled backwards), then there may be other clues to suggest that a boss with a God Complex sees things from the wrong perspective. Your boss, for example, may think he is a star, but perhaps they are all rats in disguise. They treat minions like pupils and are just waiting for them to slipup. Some bosses say they just want to be our pals, but they are actually trying to slap us down. You just want to live, and they just want to be evil. You say that you lived for God, but perhaps you are just working for the devil dog.

OK, I give up on this one. I was hoping to deliver a positive step but now fear that I will be reviled instead.

So, if you are working for someone with a God Complex, then all I can offer you is sympathy and a piece of advice. You may be tired of getting crapped on, but as the old saying goes—if it is on the wheel then it will eventually come around. Instead of getting stressed, let’s just hope those bosses get their just desserts. Smile, be patient, and remember that diaper is repaid spelled backwards. Incidentally, Step 3 is where the idea for the  DIAPER Awards 2017 came from.

Future columns will discuss my journey through the IA recovery process. Until then, feel free to view the inaugural IA meeting, learn about Incompetents Anonymous, read the Audacity Prayer and 12+1 Steps, or become familiar with IA’s additional support groups.

Dr. StrangeJob

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Get your FU card today! Frequent Underminer cards now available.

Phase I of the Incompetents Anonymous Membership Drive has been an unprecedented success, so as promised, Dr. StrangeJob is delighted to introduce Phase II. As you may recall, anecdotal evidence suggests that incompetents love to collect points, whether it be for air miles, free meals, or happy-hour vouchers. In Phase I, we introduced a basic award system that allowed incompetents to accumulate value-points based on Incompetents Anonymous (IA) membership status and IA meeting attendance. In Phase II, we expand on this concept.

The most “unvalued” indicator of an incompetent manager is their staggering ability to undermine the true value and work efforts of their underlings. The new Frequent Underminer (FU) card was designed to fully quantify an incompetent’s inability to support an organization, as well as to provide incentive for incompetents to participate in IA. As with any addiction, the suffering incompetent must hit their own bottom before seeking help, but it is IA’s hope that the mere receipt of a personalized FU card will provide sufficient incentive to seek solace in IA recovery. Watch for your personalized FU card in a mailbox or workstation near you!

To increase FU penetration and improve FU brand recognition, we have incorporated marketing acronyms consistent with an incompetent’s internet surfing habits. Each FU iteration is specifically designed to target a particular type, or brand, of incompetent. The IMHO, or Incompetent Manager Highly Overpaid FU is a rather obvious example, but the LOL, or Lackey-on-Lackey FU is slightly more subtle. The WTF, or Well That’s Fantastic FU is a special version of the FU card designed for those who like to pat themselves on the back and who actually believe they are receiving legitimate management recognition. In addition, we have also developed the FU-ALL card for that special senior manager who has just walked away with a glorious golden-handshake.

The FU card is the cornerstone of IA’s Frequent Underminer Badges and Rewards (FUBAR) initiative. If your organization is not already FUBAR recognized, then rest assured that FUBAR will be coming your way soon. Stay tuned for more FUBAR in Phase III of the IA Membership Drive. In Phase III, we will be introducing exiting cross-promotional campaigns such as the FU-DIAPER program. The FU-DIAPER campaign will grant Dr. StrangeJob’s DIAPER Award nominees and recipients special IA membership status and exclusive access to the advanced features of the second-tier FU-2 card.

In Phase III, we will also introduce the first local chapter of IA’s sister group, the Competent Liberation Army (CLA). The goal of CLA is to liberate the competent from the bureaucratic complement by seeking out those that stand up to the crowd. The inaugural chapter of this exciting new franchise hails from Cape Breton Island, the birthplace of Incompetents Anonymous. The chapter has been chartered under the name CBLA – Intelligence and Competents Squad (InComps) with the motto: Removing the stunned from the stunning Cape Breton Island since 2016.

….. and so it begins 

Dr. StrangeJob

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