What I thought was a simple solution turned into a classic example of organizational inefficiency.
Source: Four coordinators, an IT service call, and an AB switch
Four coordinators, an IT service call, and an AB switch
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Author Archives: Dr. StrangeJob
Dr. StrangeJob: The Stanley Kubrick Connection
All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.
All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.
All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.
All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.
All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.
All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.
All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.
All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.
All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.
All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.
All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.
All work and no play makes Dr. StrangeJob a dull ploy.
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The Mother Behind the Pundit or The Mother’s Behind
Dr. StrangeJob was born on February 27, 2015. Similar to his alter ego (Dr. NoJob), Dr. StrangeJob was a breech birth. This explains, in part, why the Doctor tends to view things from a different perspective. Instead of heading for the light, the Doctor gravitates to the dark.
His birth mother attempted to instill a sense of humor in the Doctor, but she was somewhat skeptical of the outcome. She often quipped that there was nothing like a sense of humor, and that he had “nothing” like a sense of humor. She did, however, provide the Doctor with a strong sense of omnipotence. In fact, he believed he was the son of god. His belief was a direct consequence of her divine devotion to her son, and her constant reminder of his supremacy. For example: Every time he would return from one of his pilgrimages, she would shout “Jesus Christ, where have you been?” Every time he would leave the house, she would bellow, “Where in Christ’s name are you going?” Other times, when he was just hanging around the house, or quietly contemplating life, she would never miss an opportunity to remind him of his all-powerfulness with heavenly supportive refrains such as “God Almighty, stop pulling the wings off those poor butterflies”, or “For Christ’s sake, get out of my underwear drawer”.
Dr. StrangeJob planned to be an exorcist when he grew up. Again, his decision was due to his mother’s constant encouragement. She often told him that he had the power to expel evil from people, places, or things. Comments such as “get the hell out of that” or “take that with you and get the hell out of here”, demonstrated his ability to exorcize evil. He was compelled by a motherly spirit greater than himself to become the entity that he is today.
Along with being a breech birth, the Doctor was also a late arrival. Speaking of late, I think I will log this blog as a belated Mother’s Day entry. Wherever she may be, I hope she is not laughing at Dr. StrangeJob, but laughing with him. Dr. StrangeJob compels you to follow him on Twitter at https://twitter.com/drstrangejob.
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Bill Gates: The Number of the Beast
Bill Gates has a net worth of 79.2 billion and, according to Forbes, is the richest man in the world. What does it take to become the richest man in world? If a great salesperson can sell snowballs in hell, then what type of salesman does it take to promote a product based on the words “micro” and ”soft”? Bill Gates is either the biggest nerd in the world or has one hell of a sense of humor. On the other hand, he could be the rare male that suffers from penis envy. Woody Allan once argued that penis envy should not be limited to women, but what else would you expect from a man named Woody?
I postulate a more diabolical theory. Bill Gates is in league with the devil. My theory requires basic understanding of digital data representation. Computers store information as a series of zeroes or ones using a coding scheme to represent numbers, letters, and special characters. The American Standard Code for Information Interchange (ASCII) is one such code. ASCII, for example, represents the letter “A” with the base ten number 65, the letter “B” with the number 90, and so on.
So let’s play a game of Microsoft Trivial Pursuit.
What is Bill Gates’s full name?
Answer = William Henry Gates III = BILL GATES 3
Convert each character in “BILL GATES 3” to its equivalent ASCII value.
Answer = 66+73+76+76+71+65+84+69+83+3
Sum and interpret the total of the ASCII values.
Answer = 666 = Number of the Beast
Hence, Bill Gates is in league with the devil. How else to explain his hellacious operating system? Fortunately, there may be salvation from hell-gates. Computer nirvana is on the eve of temptation by another Apple.
Speaking of Bill Gates: What is micro and soft and desired by nerds?
Dr. StrangeJob
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What is micro and soft and desired by nerds?
Genesis Part V
It was the mid-nineties and I had enthusiastically exceeded my competence level as a systems analyst. The adage that those who can’t do – teach was alive and well and directed me to pursue a career in education. I had a brilliant plan. The first step was to complete a masters in adult education. Done. The second step was to market myself as someone with practical hands-on work experience combined with a theoretical understanding of adult education. Check. The third step was to sit back and wait for the job offers to come piling in. Didn’t happen. Funny, same thing didn’t happen to @drstrangejob.
Not to be daunted, I decided that my resume needed an “isn’t that special” attention grabber. Industry certifications were a hot commodity at the time and the one with the most prestige was Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer (MCSE). It took almost two years to complete that puppy, but it worked. I landed an instructor position teaching information technology at a prestigious community college.
I was MCSE when MCSE was cool. In fact, I was the first person in the entire province to complete the certification. It went to my head. I went overboard with promoting the fact that I held the MCSE designation. I bought the shirt, jacket, pen, coffee cup, laptop case, and just about anything that had either the MCSE logo or Microsoft Professional designation attached. I went certifiable over the certification.
One morning I found myself admiring my Dilbert inspired IT guru reflection in the mirror whilst paying careful attention as to how the MCSE logo on the official Microsoft pen complemented the Microsoft Professional logo on my official Microsoft polo shirt. I was pumped. I was the man. I was the Microsoft Man.
What kind of dick is proud to wear a logo that emphasizes the words micro and soft? What type of male nerd would that be? Microsoft should change their name to Maximumhard. That might distract from all the system down time, or at least keep the system up long enough to be useful.
Next on the Blog: Irrefutable proof that Bill Gates is in league with the devil
Dr. StrangeJob
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Who wants to hire a dick with a doctorate?
From Doctor to Satirist – Seven Days That Shook My World
March 31, 2010 is the conferral date of my PhD. If you are one of the 0.7% of Canadians with a doctorate then you will appreciate how significant that date is for me. Five years of pain, toil, and sweat had finally brought me to my goal. Ironically, it was just seven days later when I received a layoff notice from my teaching position at the local university.
I had assumed the PhD designation would change my status at the institution, but it never occurred to me that the change would be in the form of a layoff notice. Within seven days I went from the high of receiving a doctorate to “hi, how do you file for unemployment?” Incidentally, four of the seven days were Easter holidays. I guess that’s why it took so long to get the layoff notice. Still, I did get a good joke out of it.
Although Dr. StrangeJob uses the “Dr.” prefix in his salutation, his alter ego uses the suffix “PhD”. His first name is Dan, so the suffix in his case is not an acronym for “Doctor of Philosophy”, but rather an acronym for “Please Hire Dan”. This is not the joke.
The joke is when I realized that “Please Hire Dan” would only work for those with both a doctorate and a first name starting with “D”. I pondered on that as I listed people I knew with both a doctorate and a first name starting with the letter “D”. It dawned on me that the “Please Hire Dan” tagline might not work for everyone in that category.
I hope someone will hire Dan because of his doctorate, but who really wants to hire a Dick with a PhD. After all, how many Dicks do you know with a PhD?
Dr. StrangeJob
Next on the Blog: What is micro and soft and desired by nerds or Genesis Part V
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Programmer Aptitude Test
Genesis of Dr. StrangeJob – Part IV
I was all but hired for a position in information technology at a major federal corporation. As the last interviewee standing, I was invited to visit corporate headquarters for a final set of interviews and to complete the standard barrage of corporate tests. They were very thorough in the 80’s and one of the major tests for the position was the all-important programmer aptitude test. The final job offer hinged on interviews with senior corporate staff and the score achieved on the aptitude test.
Programmer aptitude tests are designed to test logic, comprehension, and programming skills. They are precisely timed and designed not to be completed within the allotted timeframe unless you are some sort of a genius. My test was scored by the HR department immediately upon completion and prior to interviews with senior staff.
Apparently, my results caused a bit of a stir because my scores were the highest scores received by an applicant. They must have thought they had a programming guru within their grasp and became enthusiastic in insuring I accepted the position. I didn’t have the heart to tell them the truth behind my amazing test results – at least not until now.
What they didn’t know was that my systems analysis instructor had provided me with a few sample programmer aptitude tests and strongly suggested I review them prior to the interview. The interview was in another province and I took an 8 hour train ride to corporate headquarters. This provided ample opportunity to review the sample aptitude tests, but I only managed to review one of them. It actually took me the better part of the trip to complete that one. Turns out that was the very test they gave me during the interview process.
Thank you Vic Dawson
Next time from Doctor to Satirist – Seven Days That Shook My World
Dr. StrangeJob
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The university system is broke(n)
Universities must stop treating students like consumers and students must stop treating universities like Walmarts.
The above was a recent tweet from Dr. StrangeJob that received a bit of attention, so I thought a further explanation was called for. The tweet was in reference to the recent Nova Scotia budget item lifting the three percent tuition cap for universities and colleges, supposedly to allow them to make a “one-time market adjustment”. The cap will return next year, but not for out-of-province or graduate students. In other words – it’s open season on tuition rates.
In a perfect world, we would look upon post-secondary education as a service that builds our intellectual future by ensuring classes are filled with students eager to learn. In an imperfect world, we would look upon post-secondary education as a business that builds the institution’s economic future by ensuring classes are filled with students willing to pay. In the perfect world, QA is an acronym for quality assurance. In the imperfect world, QA is an acronym for quantity assurance. The current post-secondary education system is both broke and broken.
One would assume the collective wisdom of student, faculty, and administration would have realized by now that the status quo is no longer viable. Unfortunately, the system will defend the status quo until someone forces a change. According to Mark Twain, the only person that likes change is a wet baby. Student driven solutions tend to be short-term focused – at least until graduation. University driven solutions tend to be long-term focused – at least until retirement. Things change, not because we see the light. Things change, because we feel the heat. This may be the hand dealt by the recent Nova Scotia budget.
We can talk solutions in a later post, but first let’s admit we need to change or at least realize things are starting to heat up.
Next up will be a discussion on the Peter Principle inspired phrases “Thinking out of the box” and “We need to make tough decisions”.
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Genesis – Part III
Genesis of Dr. StrangeJob – Part III
After kicking around university for seven years I finally decided it was time to get a real job. That’s when reality struck me – real jobs are few and far between for someone with an Arts degree and a minor in Philosophy. Yes, I was a much better person as a result of my university experience, just a lot poorer than I had anticipated. No one mentioned that when I was paying my yearly tuition fees. I guess some things will never change.
This was the mid-80s and the whole “computer” thing was turning into a fad, so I decided to take a diploma in data processing. My initial degree was a Bachelor of Arts in Community Studies (BACS) and I thought a diploma in data processing combined with BACS would be a marketable package. Turns out I was right. Kind of.
I did end up with a job as a computer systems analyst that lasted 13 years. I had always assumed the diploma, rather than the degree, was the main reason for being offered the position. I found out years later that it was actually the undergraduate degree that landed me the position, but not for the reason one would expect. One of the members of the interview panel confided that they thought BACS was an acronym for Bachelor of Arts in Computer Science rather than Community Studies. Either they didn’t read my resume closely or I was a bit reckless with the truth on my application.
Computer geeks should stay tuned for Part IV and a funny story about programmer aptitude tests.
End Part III
Dr. StrangeJob
Genesis – Part II
Genesis of Dr. StrangeJob – Part II
After deciding not to pursue economics as a field of academic study, I enrolled in an undergraduate degree in community studies with a minor in philosophy. I also became a part-time social activist and mind expanding enthusiast per Carlos Castaneda. What can I say, it was the late 70’s and early 80’s. I was attending a local peace group meeting when I met the Junior High School teacher that had the audacity to fail my brilliant paper on the Peter Principle. We talked.
Well actually, I talked and he listened to me babble about how he ruined my career as an economist. I was somewhat surprised when he explained how he fondly remembered me as a student and how much he had enjoyed my diatribe on the incompetence of the education system. He recollected a different outcome. In fact, he recalled that he actually scored the paper full marks, but had purposely returned the assignment with a zero grade to show that he was in on the joke.
That couldn’t be. The paper was valued at 20% of the final course grade. I had already accumulated a mark of 72/80 without the paper and since my final course grade was 72 then I must have received a score of zero for the assignment. How else to explain the final score. He puzzled on that for a minute and then gave me this befuddled look of amusement that followed with one of those “oh shit” Kodak moments.
Turns out he was in the hospital during the last of the academic semester and a substitute teacher was tasked with compiling and entering his final grades. My teacher had initially posted a zero in his mark ledger with the full intention of changing it to 20 during final grade compilation. The substitute teacher would not have known that. As a result, my lowest mark for the year was in economics and my overall term grade point average was lowered as a result. At that exact moment, we both realized that we were in on a bigger joke. The Peter Principle was alive and well.
Dr. StrangeJob
Dr. StrangeJob or: How I Learned to Stop Raging and Embrace the Bull 