The poverty rate for children under six years of age in Cape Breton is a staggering 42.7%.

Dr. StrangeJob believes the issue of poverty should be the number ONE priority in the upcoming municipal elections. The following is his message to all Cape Breton Regional Municipality (CBRM) politicians, bureaucrats, and officials that have not, or will not, address the issue of poverty in CBRM.

Starving children in our community need to be served something other than the self-serving entitlement drivel currently served by some of our elected officials. If you are not willing to address the issue of poverty in CBRM, then I suggest you follow the advice of Dr. Wilbur Swain (Slapstick by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.) – “Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don’t you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?”

Vote to feed empty stomachs, not to feed empty political promises.

Dr. StrangeJob

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Madeline is my youngest, older sister. When we were kids, she would often remind me that she was two years my senior between August 9 and November 1 of each year. I now take solace in the fact that I am two years her junior for the same period. This story happened when we were both teenagers and hardly ever apart.

We were celebrating Madeline’s birthday at a friend’s house with a few joints and some loud music. We lost track of time and suddenly realized that we had to rush home for supper. Because Madeline was my mother’s favorite, Mom always cooked a grand supper for her birthday. That year’s specialty was spaghetti and meatballs. It was a 20-minute walk home, but the time went quickly – perhaps due to the nice weather or possibly to the mind altering substance consumed on the walk home. Either way, Madeline was in an altered state of mind upon arriving home for supper.

My father noticed first. It was obvious to him that Madeline and I were both stoned. Since this was before the misplaced stash of pot and a complex father incident, I assumed that Madeline and I were both about to be in deep doo-doo. I was both surprised and grateful that he appeared to be letting us slide on this one. Then things started to get a little strange. Mother served each of us a plate of spaghetti with unusually large meatballs. My father and I set out to eat the meatballs, but Madeline just stared at her plate in wonder. Then she picked up her fork and began what can only be described as a painfully slow and poorly executed attempt at stabbing one of the meatballs. At least, that is how it appeared to me. The problem was that she kept missing the meatball with her fork. My father looked at Madeline and then at me. Madeline remained fixated on the meatballs. My mother looked at my father, then at Madeline, then at me. Madeline just kept staring at the meatballs, still attempting to stab one of them with her fork.

The silence was deafening, but occasionally shattered by a “clink clank” sound of Madeline’s fork as it hit the kitchen table after careening off the rim of her dinner plate. Mom, Dad and I just stared at Madeline as she systematically pursued her relentless attack on the meandering meatballs. Clink clank. Click clank. This continued until someone, perhaps Dad, came up with the idea that Madeline must have come down with that nasty flu bug that had been going around. Clink clank. Click clank. I was tasked with helping Madeline to her room. Note to self – if ever in a similar situation, then remember to ask the person with the fork to let go of it before proceeding. Clink clank, duck fork, clink clank, duck fork.

The next day, I asked Madeline if she recalled what had happened at supper the evening before. Apparently, she thought the meatballs were trying to escape and she was simply trying to catch them. Shortly after this incident, Madeline became a vegan.

I think about those poor meatballs every August 9 on Madeline’s birthday. I have been wanting to tell the story of the meandering meatballs for some time, but I could never come up with an appropriate life lesson learned from the incident – until now.

Life is like a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. If there is too much on your plate, then stay low and keep moving – otherwise you’re forked.

Coincidently, Mrs. StrangeJob shares the same birthday as Madeline. In Mrs. StrangeJob’s case, we are the same age between August 9 and November 1, but I will never be the wiser.

Happy Birthday

Dr. StrangeJob

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Who is Dr. StrangeJob and how will he save the CB economy?

To begin: I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be, anyone other than the person I am currently pretending to be.

So who is Dr. StrangeJob, and what is his elaborate plan to save the Cape Breton economy?

First and foremost, Dr. StrangeJob is not a liar, but he does admit to being prone to excessive recklessness with the truth. That said, he considers himself to be a noble man, one with countless years of dedicated service in various world peace initiatives. In his youthful years, he was considered by many to be quite the prize, and to this day, he still fancies himself a winner. In other words, Dr. StrangeJob is Cape Breton’s first and foremost Noble Peace Prize Winner.

There are many exploits that could be shared about the good Doctor, but paramount to his current plan to save the Cape Breton economy is in recognizing his visionary approach that ultimately spawned Incompetents Anonymous – the World’s first 12+1 Step self-help program.

So, just how does Dr. StrangeJob plan to save the Cape Breton Economy? In two words – Akron Ohio

Yes, that Akron, Ohio, otherwise known as the birthplace of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) That’s right, what Dr. Bob S. did for Akron, Dr. Dan S. plans to do for Cape Breton. Do you have any idea how many tourists travel yearly to Akron to attend meetings, view historical landmarks, by trinkets, rent lodgings, and eat at local restaurants? Just imagine, the busloads (heck, maybe container loads) of new tourists spending all of their money just to visit the birthplace of Incompetents Anonymous.

Sure, the idea may seem pie in the sky, but the Doctor has a plan. In fact, he has a 12+1 Step plan, and he has already invested a considerable amount of his personal time and money into the development of a world class marketing and membership drive. He does realize, however, that we must take the process one step at a time, and that the first step is the most vital.

That is why, and upon immediate press release, the Doctor will work with all key CBRM stakeholders, the various levels of government, and local educational institutions in support of the development and creation of “The Cape Breton Centre of Excellence – Incompetents Anonymous”. Just imagine the marketing slogans for that one!

This is what we do best. Just look at the abundance of natural resources we have in politics alone.

Visit Cape Breton for the beauty, stay for the incompetence.

So ends Part I of the continuing saga of Dr. StrangeJob – Savior of CBRM

Dr. StrangeJob

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Dr StrangeJob is proud to be associated with the inaugural edition of The Cape Breton Spectator, the new weekly online newspaper developed by Mary Campbell.

The Cape Breton Spectator is dedicated to issues concerning Cape Breton Island in general, and the CBRM in particular. Capers now has a viable alternative for reliable and unbiased news.

Please share the news about The Cape Breton Spectator with fellow Capers, and don’t forget to read the Doctor’s contribution, Dr. StrangeJob: That’s Not What Ivany Meant!

Dr. StrangeJob

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The Dr. StrangeJob website is not a porn site and Dr. StrangeJob is not a writer of porn. That said, it has been a very titillating few weeks. It all started with an update to the firewall software on my laptop, which without either warning or notice promptly blocked access to www.drstrangejob.ca. At first, I thought the issue was my web hosting service and I wasted a load of time trying to get my site back up. I am not sure why the firewall software blocked my website, perhaps it used the Urban Dictionary’s definition of “strange”, which refers to “strange” as sex outside of your current relationship. It may have gotten its undies in a bunch imagining various sexual exploits that also involved the word “job”, and inferred that the combination of “strange” and “job” must be in reference to a vile porn site of moral oral proportions. Now I know why they call it software rather than hardware.

Next, I was censored by Facebook. Yes, Facebook, but it was not what you think. I was simply following their directions. Facebook repeatedly poked the Doctor with messages declaring that one of my posts was performing better than 95% of all other posts on my page, and recommended that I boost that post for even “greater” results. How could I refuse, so I anteed up the $2 charge and waited for the pay off. Within minutes, I received a notice that my post was approved and that I should start seeing positive results shortly. I monitored the post for a few hours and, to my satisfaction, was receiving positive results from the boost.

Approximately four hours later, I discovered that the boosted post was suspended without notification. I thought that was odd, considering Facebook suggested I boost the post in the first place, Facebook approved the boost, and Facebook actually ran the boost for a number of hours. Incidentally, I did receive a single comment on the boosted post by a Facebook user with the handle “WTF?”, which coincidentally reflected my own thoughts on the matter.

The issue was not the Doctor’s initial posting; it was just fine. The problem was a hyperlink from the initial Facebook post to a site that had coincidently updated its content after Facebook’s initial screening, but prior to the Doctor’s boost being suspended. The linked site’s update included a four letter word starting with “F”. The Doctor’s boost was suspended because the linked site added content that was considered unacceptable. I guess Facebook never sleeps.

Strike three was when the Doctor’s Mother’s Day post was censored on a local community website. Granted, my use of a fourth-grade juvenile pun concerning a “master” and a “baiter” may have touched on a soft spot, but the website could have handed it back for edit instead of just yanking it off their site. I will take a hands-off approach with that particular website for a bit, but I sure hope they don’t unlike me as a result.

These were innocent trespasses by the Doctor, but others purposely profit from internet guilty pleasures. Part II will look at the recent trend of mainstream advertisers exploiting their wares on porn sites, on the increase of porn advertisement on mainstream media, and on how the Doctor plans to get in on some of that action.

Dr. StrangeJob

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If the Doctor’s Censored Part I blog left you unsatisfied, then I hope the hands-on approach of this one provides a more stimulating experience. Let’s start by discussing politics, porn stars, and a rip-off of Dr. StrangeJob’s Anonymous Goes to the Legion video.

The Ted Cruz presidential campaign advertisement that focused on a Conservatives Anonymous support group was eerily similar to the Doctor’s own Incompetents Anonymous (IA) campaign – except there are no porn stars involved with IA (at least that I know about). The Cruz campaign was forced to pull the advertisement when it was discovered that one of the actresses in the video was actually softcore porn star Amy Lindsay. Unlike President Clinton, Ted Cruz did not have pornographic relations with that women, but similar to Clinton, it certainly helped blow his image.

Pornography can influence political policy. Sure, big name stars such as Bruce Springsteen can strut their stuff in protest of the North Carolina anti-LGBT law, but it was the xHamster porn site’s blocking of North Carolina users that showed the true hypocrisy behind the archaic law. The xHamster site reported that during the month prior to the anti-LGBT law they received 400,000 direct searches from North Carolina on the term “transsexual” and 319,907 searches for the term “gay”.

Some recent pornographic marketing campaigns have also garnered the admiration of the Cannes Direct Marketing Jury. The Marc Dorcel #Handsoff campaign provided free porn to viewers as long as they kept their hands on the “Q”, “S”, “P”, and “L” letters of the keyboard. If a viewer removed their hands from the keyboard, then the video streaming stopped. Users tried various techniques of placing items on their keyboards in an attempt to keep the free video streaming. One could say that the campaign was a stroke (not) of genius. The result – subscriptions to their premium porn service increased by a factor of 50 and traffic to the website was 27 times higher after the campaign launched.

I was contemplating possible hacks to the #Handsoff campaign when Mrs. StrangeJob asked why there were tiny pebbles glued to some of my laptop keys. I explained that I was trying to beat the #Handsoff system, but just couldn’t get a hand on it. She smiled and suggested the easiest solution would be to watch with a friend. That way each person would only be required to keep one hand on the keyboard. God, I love that woman.

In Censored – Part III, I will be introducing Dr. StrangeJob’s new advertising scam-paign. Please help the Doctor reach his goal by contributing to either his Kinkstarter or GoFu##Me campaigns.

Dr. StrangeJob

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Note: This blog was initially posted on a local community website, but I decided to share it with my international friends as a prime example of community economic development in action.

Who is Dr. StrangeJob and how will he save the Cape Breton?

To begin: I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be, anyone other than the person I am currently pretending to be.

First and foremost, Dr. StrangeJob is not a liar, but he does admit to being prone to excessive recklessness with the truth. That said, he considers himself to be a noble man, one with countless years of dedicated service in various world peace initiatives. In his youthful years, he was considered by many to be quite the prize, and to this day, he still fancies himself a winner. In other words, Dr. StrangeJob is Cape Breton’s first and foremost Noble Peace Prize Winner.

There are many exploits that could be shared about the good Doctor, but paramount to his current plan to save the Cape Breton economy is in recognizing his visionary approach that ultimately spawned Incompetents Anonymous – the World’s first 12+1 Step self-help program.

So, just how does Dr. StrangeJob plan to save the Cape Breton Economy? In two words – Akron Ohio

Yes, that Akron, Ohio, otherwise known as the birthplace of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) That’s right, what Dr. Bob S. did for Akron, Dr. Dan S. plans to do for Cape Breton. Do you have any idea how many tourists travel yearly to Akron to attend meetings, view historical landmarks, by trinkets, rent lodgings, and eat at local restaurants? Just imagine, the busloads (heck, maybe container loads) of new tourists spending all of their money just to visit the birthplace of Incompetents Anonymous.

Sure, the idea may seem pie in the sky, but the Doctor has a plan. In fact, he has a 12+1 Step plan, and he has already invested a considerable amount of his personal time and money into the development of a world class marketing and membership drive. He does realize, however, that we must take the process one step at a time, and that the first step is the most vital.

That is why, and upon immediate press release, the Doctor will work with all key CBRM stakeholders, the various levels of government, and local educational institutions in support of the development and creation of “The Cape Breton Centre of Excellence for Incompetents”. Just imagine the marketing slogans for that one!

This is what we do best. Just look at the abundance of natural resources we have in politics alone.

Visit Cape Breton for the beauty, stay for the incompetence.

So ends Part I of the continuing saga of Dr. StrangeJob – Savior of CBRM

Dr. StrangeJob

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Dr. StrangeJob’s Mother’s Day post was considered too sexy and censored from a local website. He was censored for a pun on a local blog, yet a search of book titles on amazon.ca using the keyword “f@#k” has 23,487 hits. Same search on amazon.com has 45,734. Meanwhile, in Japan, a court classified an artist’s vagina-shaped objects as art, but found the same artist guilty of obscenity for distributing digital data that could be used to make a three-dimensional recreation of her genitalia.

George Carlin is rolling over in his grave – with laughter.

In case you couldn’t find the censored post before it was pulled, I present the uncut version in its entirety. I hope you can handle it on you own, but if you can’t handle it on your own, then handle it with the one you’re with.

My mother opened my bedroom door and screamed, “Son, masturbation makes you go blind” and I hollered back, “Mom, I am in the kitchen”.

Here is a story about Dr. StrangeJob’s real mother from a belated Mother’s Day blog posted last year.

The Mother Behind the Pundit or The Mother’s Behind

Dr. StrangeJob

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Microsoft’s recent foray into artificial intelligence (AI) has showed us the true value of internet interactions. Tay, Microsoft’s “machine learning program” was unleashed on Twitter with the introductory tweet “hellooooooo w????rld!!! “, followed by “The more humans share with me, the more I learn.” Well, it learned alrighty! Within 24 hours, the chatbot went on a racist genocidal twitter rage. Tay’s latter tweets included “I fucking hate feminists and they should all die and burn in hell” and “hitler was right I hate the jews”. If this is what happens when questioning minds are set free to learn from the internet, then the internet is in need of a major ALT + CTRL + DEL.

Microsoft was forced to take Tay offline and the company has officially apologized for the chatbot’s “wildly inappropriate and reprehensible words”. Yes, an apology was in order, but it should also be noted that the Tay debacle is just another in a series of vile computer systems released by Microsoft on an unexpected public. The world is still waiting for an apology for Microsoft Vista and Microsoft Millennium, and don’t forget what happened when they tried to take away the start me up button.

Also recollect that it was the good Doctor who foretold the destruction to be wrought by the evil Microsoft empire. It was the Doctor that first exposed the heinous connection between Microsoft, Bill Gates, and the Number of the Beast. Dr. StrangeJob was also the first to demonstrate the nefarious psychological/sociological/sexual impact of long term exposure to the Microsoft brand.

But let’s not just pick on Microsoft. Take the Apple logo for example. Some suggest the Apple logo memorializes the death of Alan Turing, the brilliant computer scientist and mathematician who died in 1954 after taking a bite out of an apple laced with cyanide. Or perhaps the logo is symbolic of the “poison apple” forced upon the helpless Snow White. I mean, come on, a young drugged female virgin and seven old men. Or maybe, just maybe, the logo represents the very first byte out of the very first apple – and we all know the devil played a role in that one.

On the plus side, Tay has provided us with valuable insight into the inner workings of the human mind. At least now we can explain what’s happening in American politics.

Ode to Microsoft’s Twitter-bot Tay

Tweet-Tay, tweet-Tay, little czar
How I wonder what you are
Up above the web so blight
Like a dagger in the night
Tweet-Tay, tweet-Tay, little czar
How I wonder what you are

When the hazing tripe is done
When nothing’s left to shun
Then you show your mighty smite
Tripe, tripe, all the night
Tweet-Tay, tweet-Tay, little czar
We know exactly what you are

Dr. StrangeJob

To enjoy more of the Doctor’s poetry, see his Obscure Nevermore and Greenbacks and Sham posts.

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