Author Archives: Dr. StrangeJob

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About Dr. StrangeJob

If you want to know what happens when the Peter Principle collides with Kurt Vonnegut and Stanley Kubrick then you found the right place.

IA video hits 10K views – vile or viral?

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Dr. StrangeJob’s Anonymous Goes to the Legion video was recently unleashed on both Facebook and YouTube. In a single week, the Facebook video accumulated over 10,000 views, suggesting the video is either vile or viral. I am hoping for viral.

Watch as participants of the inaugural Incompetents Anonymous (IA) meeting declare war on unscrupulous incompetent bureaucrats by asserting that those incompetents take the advice of Dr. Wilbur Swain (Slapstick by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.) – “Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don’t you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?” Watch as IA members literally howl at the moon during their recital of Step 13.

OK, so perhaps the use of the “F” word is a bit tawdry, but it is a literary quote after all. Hopefully, there is a bit of wiggle room between vile and viral.

This blog links to the YouTube version of the video, but you might have already seen it show up on some of your other social media feeds. Apologies for the double postings. Actually, I just lied. In fact, if you have been presented with the IA video on multiple mediums, it is likely because Dr. StrangeJob’s “Facebook/YouTube/Twitter/Incompetent” algorithm has determined you are in need of an IA meeting. Please check our IA membership drive for special promotional offers.

As you can see, the first IA meeting did not go as planned. It appears Dr. StrangeJob needs a few more IA meetings and a competent sponsor. BTW – Potential sponsors can initiate their sponsorship application by sending the Doctor a complimentary t-shirt. As a special incentive, potential sponsors will receive FREE shipping, of a FREE pic, of the FREE tee, that ONLY THEY can FREELY send to Dr. Strangejob.

What’s with that ending? Who were those kidnappers? Who will come to the Doctor’s rescue? Does he even want to be rescued? What does the kidnapping have to do with the Cape Breton Competents – Liberation Army (CBC-LA). Find out in upcoming blogs.

A special thank you to the Michael G. MacDonald for direction, Madeline Yakimchuk & Matthew Ingraham for photography, and a very special thank you to GRYPHON media productions for edit and post.

Read more about the making of this video in my “Dr. StrangeJob is in the can!” blog.

Dr. StrangeJob

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Dr. StrangeJob – A Loco Philanthropist

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Note: This blog was initially posted on a local community website, but I decided to share it with my international friends as a prime example of community economic development in action.

Who is Dr. StrangeJob and how will he save the Cape Breton?

To begin: I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be, anyone other than the person I am currently pretending to be.

First and foremost, Dr. StrangeJob is not a liar, but he does admit to being prone to excessive recklessness with the truth. That said, he considers himself to be a noble man, one with countless years of dedicated service in various world peace initiatives. In his youthful years, he was considered by many to be quite the prize, and to this day, he still fancies himself a winner. In other words, Dr. StrangeJob is Cape Breton’s first and foremost Noble Peace Prize Winner.

There are many exploits that could be shared about the good Doctor, but paramount to his current plan to save the Cape Breton economy is in recognizing his visionary approach that ultimately spawned Incompetents Anonymous – the World’s first 12+1 Step self-help program.

So, just how does Dr. StrangeJob plan to save the Cape Breton Economy? In two words – Akron Ohio

Yes, that Akron, Ohio, otherwise known as the birthplace of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) That’s right, what Dr. Bob S. did for Akron, Dr. Dan S. plans to do for Cape Breton. Do you have any idea how many tourists travel yearly to Akron to attend meetings, view historical landmarks, by trinkets, rent lodgings, and eat at local restaurants? Just imagine, the busloads (heck, maybe container loads) of new tourists spending all of their money just to visit the birthplace of Incompetents Anonymous.

Sure, the idea may seem pie in the sky, but the Doctor has a plan. In fact, he has a 12+1 Step plan, and he has already invested a considerable amount of his personal time and money into the development of a world class marketing and membership drive. He does realize, however, that we must take the process one step at a time, and that the first step is the most vital.

That is why, and upon immediate press release, the Doctor will work with all key CBRM stakeholders, the various levels of government, and local educational institutions in support of the development and creation of “The Cape Breton Centre of Excellence for Incompetents”. Just imagine the marketing slogans for that one!

This is what we do best. Just look at the abundance of natural resources we have in politics alone.

Visit Cape Breton for the beauty, stay for the incompetence.

So ends Part I of the continuing saga of Dr. StrangeJob – Savior of CBRM

Dr. StrangeJob

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Dr. StrangeJob is too sexy for local consumption

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Dr. StrangeJob’s Mother’s Day post was considered too sexy and censored from a local website. He was censored for a pun on a local blog, yet a search of book titles on amazon.ca using the keyword “f@#k” has 23,487 hits. Same search on amazon.com has 45,734. Meanwhile, in Japan, a court classified an artist’s vagina-shaped objects as art, but found the same artist guilty of obscenity for distributing digital data that could be used to make a three-dimensional recreation of her genitalia.

George Carlin is rolling over in his grave – with laughter.

In case you couldn’t find the censored post before it was pulled, I present the uncut version in its entirety. I hope you can handle it on you own, but if you can’t handle it on your own, then handle it with the one you’re with.

Mom – A master baiting her son
 

My mother opened my bedroom door and screamed, “Son, masturbation makes you go blind” and I hollered back, “Mom, I am in the kitchen”.

Here is a story about Dr. StrangeJob’s real mother from a belated Mother’s Day blog posted last year.

The Mother Behind the Pundit or The Mother’s Behind

Dr. StrangeJob

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Competents Anonymous & the CBC-LA

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Competents Anonymous was conceived as the “sister organization” to Dr. StrangeJob’s beloved Incompetents Anonymous (IA) 12+1 Step recovery program. Competents Anonymous recognizes the duality of an individual’s competency level, while simultaneously serving as the ideal support mechanism for recently recovered incompetents. IA and Competents Anonymous are inextricably connected. Simply put, if Competents Anonymous is the “yang”, then IA is the “yin”. In essence, recovered IA members have become the preferred member-candidates for Competents Anonymous, thus making Competents Anonymous the world’s first “recovered recovery program”.

The CBC-LA (Cape Breton Competents – Liberation Army) is the inaugural chapter of Dr. Strange Job’s newly minted Competents Anonymous Movement. Not only is Cape Breton the home of IA, it is now the official birthplace of Competents Anonymous. Why Cape Breton? The once thriving island of Cape Breton is a mere shadow of its former self. Incompetence has been allowed to run rampant in virtually all areas of the beloved island including, but not limited to, the political (civic, provincial, and federal), educational, and business sectors. Cape Breton is close to ruins as a result of incompetence. Unless action is taken, this could be the end of Cape Breton as we know it.

To save Cape Breton, the CBC-LA will strike at the heart of incompetence by infusing incompetent bureaucracies with competency. The idea is quite simple: place competent individuals in incompetent environments and let the osmosis begin. Dr. StrangeJob’s theory of osmosis-moronus, the process of becoming a moron through assimilation, has proven a key factor in the proliferation of incompetent bureaucracies. The old adage that one rotten apple can ruin the whole bushel is a scientifically proven fact. But what if the opposite is also true? The theory behind Competents Anonymous is that competence, although rare, can have a positive effect on an incompetent environment, a process the Doctor refers to as reverse-osmosis-moronus.

CBC-LA emphasizes brain over brawn with a major focus on the effective use of social media to simultaneously encourage competence and discourage incompetence. Underlying Competents Anonymous is the belief that although “seeing the light” is an effective motivator, a combination of “seeing the light” and “feeling the heat” works even better. It is no coincidence that Cape Breton Island is the birthplace to both Incompetents Anonymous and Competents Anonymous!

CBC-LA is just the first chapter of Competents Anonymous. Competents Anonymous, like IA, can spawn new chapters when and where the need arises. First we take Cape Breton….

Competence is our final frontier. Support the journey of the CBC-LA. Their mission: to expel incompetence, to seek out the competent, and to boldly go where few Caper Bretoners have gone before. We are legion. We know who you are. We are going to the legion.

Dr. StrangeJob

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Dr. StrangeJob is in the can!

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Dr. StrangeJob’s Incompetents Anonymous video is in the can, and boy, have things changed since the last time he was in the can. His first “in the can” encounter was nearly 40 years ago and involved Southern Comfort, weed, a friendly DJ, and the worst timing ever for a munchie run to the local corner store. The current canning, on the other hand, had a real director, editor, two cameras, and an eclectic cast of characters. In contrast, the only impression taken of the Doctor during his first canning was a picture, and they kept it.

Is the world ready for Incompetents Anonymous? Perhaps not, but based on the motley crew involved with the first public IA meeting, they appear ready for the world. And what a group it was. The production team included the Psychotic Forest Ranger, an award winning media productions company, plus a high-tech renegade thrown in for good measure. Audience members included an award winning writer and local playwright, a general, the architect of the Cape Breton Liberation Army, a Professor Emeritus of Philosophy, a horror novelist/director, a city counselor candidate, an award winning freelance journalist, plus an assortment of potential DIAPER Award nominees.

Unfortunately, the first public IA meeting did not go without incident. Someone, who shall remain nameless, forgot to book a speaker and, even worse, forgot to pass the collection basket. As a result, yours truly was stuck with the tab for the coffee and sandwiches. On the flipside, meeting attendees left behind some goodies including a copy of George Carlin’s Brain Droppings, Soundbites by Troth Wells, two Apple earbuds (one with black electrical tape), and a “Just Us” coffee carry bag. Not a bad haul for the first meeting. Owners may claim any of the above items by providing a hefty donation to our new Incompetents Anonymous Coffee Fund.

The audience participated enthusiastically, but what else could be expected from a group of like-minded individuals given the opportunity to recite Dr. Wilbur Swain’s classic line from Kurt Vonnegut’s Slapstick – “Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don’t you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?” – a truly awesome sight, well worth the free YouTube download just to see it.

Only time will tell if the Doctor’s latest canning holds up to his first. In the first canning, the Doctor survived with a quick visit to the Shingle for a few drafts, but he is not certain whether the world is ready to survive Incompetents Anonymous with all the dafts in the world.

Stay tuned for more promotion of Dr. StrangeJob’s Incompetents Anonymous video, as soon as he figures out how to do that. Also watch for the future adventures of the CBC-LA (Cape Breton Competents Liberation Army), IA’s sister organization, as introduced in the Doctor’s From FUBAR to FU-2 blog.

Update: This just in: One of the two camera operators just discovered she had her contact lenses in the wrong eyes during the shoot. It appears she may have had a slightly different vision of the shoot than the rest of us.

We know who you are, but we are anonymous!

IMG_0090(1) - Copy

 

Dr. StrangeJob

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Microsoft’s racist genocidal twitter rampage

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Microsoft’s recent foray into artificial intelligence (AI) has showed us the true value of internet interactions. Tay, Microsoft’s “machine learning program” was unleashed on Twitter with the introductory tweet “hellooooooo w????rld!!! “, followed by “The more humans share with me, the more I learn.” Well, it learned alrighty! Within 24 hours, the chatbot went on a racist genocidal twitter rage. Tay’s latter tweets included “I fucking hate feminists and they should all die and burn in hell” and “hitler was right I hate the jews”. If this is what happens when questioning minds are set free to learn from the internet, then the internet is in need of a major ALT + CTRL + DEL.

Microsoft was forced to take Tay offline and the company has officially apologized for the chatbot’s “wildly inappropriate and reprehensible words”. Yes, an apology was in order, but it should also be noted that the Tay debacle is just another in a series of vile computer systems released by Microsoft on an unexpected public. The world is still waiting for an apology for Microsoft Vista and Microsoft Millennium, and don’t forget what happened when they tried to take away the start me up button.

Also recollect that it was the good Doctor who foretold the destruction to be wrought by the evil Microsoft empire. It was the Doctor that first exposed the heinous connection between Microsoft, Bill Gates, and the Number of the Beast. Dr. StrangeJob was also the first to demonstrate the nefarious psychological/sociological/sexual impact of long term exposure to the Microsoft brand.

But let’s not just pick on Microsoft. Take the Apple logo for example. Some suggest the Apple logo memorializes the death of Alan Turing, the brilliant computer scientist and mathematician who died in 1954 after taking a bite out of an apple laced with cyanide. Or perhaps the logo is symbolic of the “poison apple” forced upon the helpless Snow White. I mean, come on, a young drugged female virgin and seven old men. Or maybe, just maybe, the logo represents the very first byte out of the very first apple – and we all know the devil played a role in that one.

On the plus side, Tay has provided us with valuable insight into the inner workings of the human mind. At least now we can explain what’s happening in American politics.

Ode to Microsoft’s Twitter-bot Tay

Tweet-Tay, tweet-Tay, little czar
How I wonder what you are
Up above the web so blight
Like a dagger in the night
Tweet-Tay, tweet-Tay, little czar
How I wonder what you are

When the hazing tripe is done
When nothing’s left to shun
Then you show your mighty smite
Tripe, tripe, all the night
Tweet-Tay, tweet-Tay, little czar
We know exactly what you are

Dr. StrangeJob

To enjoy more of the Doctor’s poetry, see his Obscure Nevermore and Greenbacks and Sham posts.

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Get your FU card today! Frequent Underminer cards now available.

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Phase I of the Incompetents Anonymous Membership Drive has been an unprecedented success, so as promised, Dr. StrangeJob is delighted to introduce Phase II. As you may recall, anecdotal evidence suggests that incompetents love to collect points, whether it be for air miles, free meals, or happy-hour vouchers. In Phase I, we introduced a basic award system that allowed incompetents to accumulate value-points based on Incompetents Anonymous (IA) membership status and IA meeting attendance. In Phase II, we expand on this concept.

The most “unvalued” indicator of an incompetent manager is their staggering ability to undermine the true value and work efforts of their underlings. The new Frequent Underminer (FU) card was designed to fully quantify an incompetent’s inability to support an organization, as well as to provide incentive for incompetents to participate in IA. As with any addiction, the suffering incompetent must hit their own bottom before seeking help, but it is IA’s hope that the mere receipt of a personalized FU card will provide sufficient incentive to seek solace in IA recovery. Watch for your personalized FU card in a mailbox or workstation near you!

To increase FU penetration and improve FU brand recognition, we have incorporated marketing acronyms consistent with an incompetent’s internet surfing habits. Each FU iteration is specifically designed to target a particular type, or brand, of incompetent. The IMHO, or Incompetent Manager Highly Overpaid FU is a rather obvious example, but the LOL, or Lackey-on-Lackey FU is slightly more subtle. The WTF, or Well That’s Fantastic FU is a special version of the FU card designed for those who like to pat themselves on the back and who actually believe they are receiving legitimate management recognition. In addition, we have also developed the FU-ALL card for that special senior manager who has just walked away with a glorious golden-handshake.

The FU card is the cornerstone of IA’s Frequent Underminer Badges and Rewards (FUBAR) initiative. If your organization is not already FUBAR recognized, then rest assured that FUBAR will be coming your way soon. Stay tuned for more FUBAR in Phase III of the IA Membership Drive. In Phase III, we will be introducing exiting cross-promotional campaigns such as the FU-DIAPER program. The FU-DIAPER campaign will grant Dr. StrangeJob’s DIAPER Award nominees and recipients special IA membership status and exclusive access to the advanced features of the second-tier FU-2 card.

In Phase III, we will also introduce the first local chapter of IA’s sister group, the Competent Liberation Army (CLA). The goal of CLA is to liberate the competent from the bureaucratic complement by seeking out those that stand up to the crowd. The inaugural chapter of this exciting new franchise hails from Cape Breton Island, the birthplace of Incompetents Anonymous. The chapter has been chartered under the name CBLA – Intelligence and Competents Squad (InComps) with the motto: Removing the stunned from the stunning Cape Breton Island since 2016.

….. and so it begins 

Dr. StrangeJob

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American Psycho – The Trump Connection

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In this installment of Satirical Knights Live (SKL), the Doctor had planned an interview with Patrick Bateman of American Psycho fame. Readers will recall that Patrick, as played by Christian Bale, was a New York investment banker in the 80’s. Patrick was also a narcissist who was equally at home with mergers and acquisitions as he was with murders and executions. I scheduled an interview with Patrick, but he cancelled at the last minute mumbling something about returning videotapes and an inappropriate font style on my forwarded business card.

Not to be daunted, I set my sights on the lovely Mila Kunis of American Psycho II: All American Girl. Not much luck there either. Actually, to be honest, the Doctor cancelled out on this one. Any actor with the audacity to murder Canadian icon William Shatner deserves no free press. Really, this psycho killed Captain James T. Kirk.

Where can you find an American Psycho when you need one? The Doctor went back to his initial source material in search of a replacement psycho and discovered a most intriguing easter-egg at the 16:00 minute mark of American Psycho. In the scene, Patrick is in a taxi making small talk with his date when he suddenly glances through the cab window and asks excitedly, “Is that Donald Trump’s car?”

Donald Trump and American Psycho! These two characters actually know each other. If you don’t believe me, then check out the photo of American Psycho and Christian Bale. Wait, it gets better. Using the “psycho” connection and his intrepid google skills, the Doctor quickly unearthed the 2015 soon-to-be-classic American Psycho 3 starring Donald Trump. That’s right, Donald Trump has already been memorialized on film as a true American Psycho.

It doesn’t stop there. Film critic and trivia extraordinaire, Dr. StrangeJob, found an even more intriguing connection between the original American Psycho and the Trumpster in the guise of Johnny Depp. Prior to the original version of American Psycho, Johnny Depp was in talks with director Stuart Gordon, of Re-Animator fame, to direct Depp in a black-and-white X-rated version of American Psycho. That collaboration never happened, but Depp recently portrayed Donald Trump in Funny or Die’s “Donald Trump’s the Art of the Deal: The Movie”. As a side note, if anyone can re-animate that hair, then it would be Stuart Gordon.

Donald Trump has quite the history with psychotics and it goes back generations. Hell, even the Alfred Hitchcock’s Trump Syndrome makes a connection between Trump and Hitchcock’s 1960 classic film Psycho. How is it going to end? The Horror! The Horror!

Clarence Darrow was famously quoted as saying, “When I was a boy I was told that anybody could be president; I’m beginning to believe it.” Let’s pray he was not right. Speaking of praying, I started this post discussing Christian Bale’s good role in the movie American Psycho, but will end it with the hope that all good Christians bail on the star of American Psycho III.

Dr. StrangeJob

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StrangeJoberisms: The Unlimited Birthday Edition

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Dr. StrangeJob forced himself on the world on February 27, 2015 with the following simple, but pathetic prophetic tweet: This is what happens when the Peter Principle collides with Kurt Vonnegut and Stanley Kubrick.

Since that humble beginning, Dr. StrangeJob has spawned Incompetents Anonymous, Satirical Knights Live, Sweet FA’s, and the DIAPER Awards. As a cunning linguist, he has developed new words (example: osmosis-moron or the gradual process of becoming a moron through assimilation), reconceptualised existing words (cronyism: I bet they passed over a lot of good people to get to the ones they hire), and created his own brand of quips, especially suited for twits tweets, that he has dubbed “StrangeJoberisms”.

In recognition of his first birthday, Dr. StrangeJob presents his inaugural collection of “StrangeJoberisms: The Unlimited Birthday Edition”. You may not have asked for them, but you get them anyway.

StrangeJoberisms – Volume I

A best practice management strategy is to keep the employees that hate you away from the ones that don’t know you.

The reason why Twitter is limited to 140 characters is to prevent posts from rambling and using too many bad words or phrases such as “Go fu

It is never the person that says “we need to make tough decisions” that is about to lose their job.

I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be, anyone other than the person I am currently pretending to be.

The trickle-down theory holds that if you feed the hordes enough hoax, some will pass through to the polls for spare votes.

If you claim to be part of the solution, then you probably helped f@#k it up in the first place.

There may be no “I” in TEAM, but there is an “EAT” and a “ME”.

New hires are either yes types or sociopaths, and sociopaths only hire yes types – and so the spiral of strife begins.

CEO may be an acronym for Chief Executive Officer, but it also stands for Cynical Egotistical Opportunist.

The medium is the message – Marshall McLuhan. This message is medium – Dr. StrangeJob.

StrangeJoberisms, or the Doctor for that matter, would not have been possible without the mother behind the pundit, the father behind the misplaced pot, or his brown-nosing incompetent colleagues. Thanks to you all. Please note that first year anniversaries are a perfect time to send the Doctor a free t-shirt .

In the name of blog, of the twitterverse, and of the worldly web. – Blessing of Dr. StrangeJob

Dr. StrangeJob

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Genesis 83: What I learned in Art’s class

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Academics continue to argue about the value of a liberal arts education, while universities continue to witness plunging enrollments in Humanities programs. The current decline of Humanities in post-secondary institutions has caused the Doctor to ponder the true value of his own education. Although the Doctor has had many valued educational learning experiences, the one most relevant to this discussion is the life-lesson learned from his midterm test on an “Introduction to Programming” course back in 1983.

The test was a fairly straightforward two-part assignment. Part “A” presented a typical business accounting problem, and the student was required to write the solution using the course’s programming language. Part “B “of the test presented a similar business problem, but this time the student was required to produce the “program logic flowchart” for the solution, rather that the actual programming code. The test problems were somewhat challenging, but the Doctor instinctively knew that his answers were 100%. That is why it came as a shock when he received his midterm back with a score of ZERO. Needless to say, he was first in line at the instructor’s office to question his failing score.

The instructor agreed that the Doctor’s programming solutions to both problems were indeed correct. So why the ZERO? The instructor explained that the key to solving problems was understanding the true nature of the questions, and, more importantly, following instructions properly. My costly mistake was providing a program flowchart for the question that required computer code, and computer code for the question that required the logic flowchart. Hence, I did not read the instructions properly, I performed the wrong function, and my test paper was worth ZERO.

A life-lesson learned from Instructor Art M’s programming course: Learn how to effectively read and understand basic instructions. But that was not the only lesson gained from taking Art’s class. Apparently, at that point in my education, I not only lacked the ability to effectively read instructions, I was also not able to differentiate an “A” from a “B” on the midterm test questions. In other words, my education was lacking in languages and letters.

The inHumanity of it all!

Ode to Humanities or first they came …….

First they came for Religious Studies, and I did not speak out because I did not teach Religious Studies.

Then they came for Philosophy, and I did not speak out, because I did not teach Philosophy.

Then they came for Language Studies, and I did not speak out because I did not teach Language Studies.

Then they came for the rest of the Humanities, but there were no tenured faculty left to speak for any of us.

Dr. StrangeJob

 

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