If the Doctor’s Censored Part I blog left you unsatisfied, then I hope the hands-on approach of this one provides a more stimulating experience. Let’s start by discussing politics, porn stars, and a rip-off of Dr. StrangeJob’s Anonymous Goes to the Legion video.

The Ted Cruz presidential campaign advertisement that focused on a Conservatives Anonymous support group was eerily similar to the Doctor’s own Incompetents Anonymous (IA) campaign – except there are no porn stars involved with IA (at least that I know about). The Cruz campaign was forced to pull the advertisement when it was discovered that one of the actresses in the video was actually softcore porn star Amy Lindsay. Unlike President Clinton, Ted Cruz did not have pornographic relations with that women, but similar to Clinton, it certainly helped blow his image.

Pornography can influence political policy. Sure, big name stars such as Bruce Springsteen can strut their stuff in protest of the North Carolina anti-LGBT law, but it was the xHamster porn site’s blocking of North Carolina users that showed the true hypocrisy behind the archaic law. The xHamster site reported that during the month prior to the anti-LGBT law they received 400,000 direct searches from North Carolina on the term “transsexual” and 319,907 searches for the term “gay”.

Some recent pornographic marketing campaigns have also garnered the admiration of the Cannes Direct Marketing Jury. The Marc Dorcel #Handsoff campaign provided free porn to viewers as long as they kept their hands on the “Q”, “S”, “P”, and “L” letters of the keyboard. If a viewer removed their hands from the keyboard, then the video streaming stopped. Users tried various techniques of placing items on their keyboards in an attempt to keep the free video streaming. One could say that the campaign was a stroke (not) of genius. The result – subscriptions to their premium porn service increased by a factor of 50 and traffic to the website was 27 times higher after the campaign launched.

I was contemplating possible hacks to the #Handsoff campaign when Mrs. StrangeJob asked why there were tiny pebbles glued to some of my laptop keys. I explained that I was trying to beat the #Handsoff system, but just couldn’t get a hand on it. She smiled and suggested the easiest solution would be to watch with a friend. That way each person would only be required to keep one hand on the keyboard. God, I love that woman.

In Censored – Part III, I will be introducing Dr. StrangeJob’s new advertising scam-paign. Please help the Doctor reach his goal by contributing to either his Kinkstarter or GoFu##Me campaigns.

Dr. StrangeJob

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Note: This blog was initially posted on a local community website, but I decided to share it with my international friends as a prime example of community economic development in action.

Who is Dr. StrangeJob and how will he save the Cape Breton?

To begin: I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be, anyone other than the person I am currently pretending to be.

First and foremost, Dr. StrangeJob is not a liar, but he does admit to being prone to excessive recklessness with the truth. That said, he considers himself to be a noble man, one with countless years of dedicated service in various world peace initiatives. In his youthful years, he was considered by many to be quite the prize, and to this day, he still fancies himself a winner. In other words, Dr. StrangeJob is Cape Breton’s first and foremost Noble Peace Prize Winner.

There are many exploits that could be shared about the good Doctor, but paramount to his current plan to save the Cape Breton economy is in recognizing his visionary approach that ultimately spawned Incompetents Anonymous – the World’s first 12+1 Step self-help program.

So, just how does Dr. StrangeJob plan to save the Cape Breton Economy? In two words – Akron Ohio

Yes, that Akron, Ohio, otherwise known as the birthplace of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) That’s right, what Dr. Bob S. did for Akron, Dr. Dan S. plans to do for Cape Breton. Do you have any idea how many tourists travel yearly to Akron to attend meetings, view historical landmarks, by trinkets, rent lodgings, and eat at local restaurants? Just imagine, the busloads (heck, maybe container loads) of new tourists spending all of their money just to visit the birthplace of Incompetents Anonymous.

Sure, the idea may seem pie in the sky, but the Doctor has a plan. In fact, he has a 12+1 Step plan, and he has already invested a considerable amount of his personal time and money into the development of a world class marketing and membership drive. He does realize, however, that we must take the process one step at a time, and that the first step is the most vital.

That is why, and upon immediate press release, the Doctor will work with all key CBRM stakeholders, the various levels of government, and local educational institutions in support of the development and creation of “The Cape Breton Centre of Excellence for Incompetents”. Just imagine the marketing slogans for that one!

This is what we do best. Just look at the abundance of natural resources we have in politics alone.

Visit Cape Breton for the beauty, stay for the incompetence.

So ends Part I of the continuing saga of Dr. StrangeJob – Savior of CBRM

Dr. StrangeJob

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Dr. StrangeJob’s Mother’s Day post was considered too sexy and censored from a local website. He was censored for a pun on a local blog, yet a search of book titles on amazon.ca using the keyword “f@#k” has 23,487 hits. Same search on amazon.com has 45,734. Meanwhile, in Japan, a court classified an artist’s vagina-shaped objects as art, but found the same artist guilty of obscenity for distributing digital data that could be used to make a three-dimensional recreation of her genitalia.

George Carlin is rolling over in his grave – with laughter.

In case you couldn’t find the censored post before it was pulled, I present the uncut version in its entirety. I hope you can handle it on you own, but if you can’t handle it on your own, then handle it with the one you’re with.

My mother opened my bedroom door and screamed, “Son, masturbation makes you go blind” and I hollered back, “Mom, I am in the kitchen”.

Here is a story about Dr. StrangeJob’s real mother from a belated Mother’s Day blog posted last year.

The Mother Behind the Pundit or The Mother’s Behind

Dr. StrangeJob

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Microsoft’s recent foray into artificial intelligence (AI) has showed us the true value of internet interactions. Tay, Microsoft’s “machine learning program” was unleashed on Twitter with the introductory tweet “hellooooooo w????rld!!! “, followed by “The more humans share with me, the more I learn.” Well, it learned alrighty! Within 24 hours, the chatbot went on a racist genocidal twitter rage. Tay’s latter tweets included “I fucking hate feminists and they should all die and burn in hell” and “hitler was right I hate the jews”. If this is what happens when questioning minds are set free to learn from the internet, then the internet is in need of a major ALT + CTRL + DEL.

Microsoft was forced to take Tay offline and the company has officially apologized for the chatbot’s “wildly inappropriate and reprehensible words”. Yes, an apology was in order, but it should also be noted that the Tay debacle is just another in a series of vile computer systems released by Microsoft on an unexpected public. The world is still waiting for an apology for Microsoft Vista and Microsoft Millennium, and don’t forget what happened when they tried to take away the start me up button.

Also recollect that it was the good Doctor who foretold the destruction to be wrought by the evil Microsoft empire. It was the Doctor that first exposed the heinous connection between Microsoft, Bill Gates, and the Number of the Beast. Dr. StrangeJob was also the first to demonstrate the nefarious psychological/sociological/sexual impact of long term exposure to the Microsoft brand.

But let’s not just pick on Microsoft. Take the Apple logo for example. Some suggest the Apple logo memorializes the death of Alan Turing, the brilliant computer scientist and mathematician who died in 1954 after taking a bite out of an apple laced with cyanide. Or perhaps the logo is symbolic of the “poison apple” forced upon the helpless Snow White. I mean, come on, a young drugged female virgin and seven old men. Or maybe, just maybe, the logo represents the very first byte out of the very first apple – and we all know the devil played a role in that one.

On the plus side, Tay has provided us with valuable insight into the inner workings of the human mind. At least now we can explain what’s happening in American politics.

Ode to Microsoft’s Twitter-bot Tay

Tweet-Tay, tweet-Tay, little czar
How I wonder what you are
Up above the web so blight
Like a dagger in the night
Tweet-Tay, tweet-Tay, little czar
How I wonder what you are

When the hazing tripe is done
When nothing’s left to shun
Then you show your mighty smite
Tripe, tripe, all the night
Tweet-Tay, tweet-Tay, little czar
We know exactly what you are

Dr. StrangeJob

To enjoy more of the Doctor’s poetry, see his Obscure Nevermore and Greenbacks and Sham posts.

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Learn more about Dr. StrangeJob at www.drstrangejob.ca